Walking into Big Nick’s on the Upper West Side is a lot like walking into a dive diner from a 1970s Woody Allen film: it’s crowded, with tables clotted close together, line cooks knocking elbows behind a counter while taking orders from sharp-tongued waitresses, all surrounded by walls lined with fading headshots of aspiring celebrity customers. There’s also the unmistakable odor of grease in the air to complement the cinematographic visuals.

If this sounds a bit down-market, that’s because it is– there’s no denying that this is not Babbo. Big Nick’s is the kind of place that people walk by hundreds of times without going in (we certainly have), but because of its expansive sidewalk patio, which seats people pretty much year-round, it’s also an Upper West Side eatery that everyone seems to remember, even if they don’t venture inside. But as we found out this week, Big Nick’s is a local landmark for good reason: its burgers.

We know because Nosher, our friend Chopper, and I wandered in to Big Nick’s series of connected and cluttered dining rooms and set about ordering a cross-section of the restaurant’s burger options. This is not as easy a task as it is at most diners, because Nick’s menu is so vast and varied. Resembling a playbill from a hit show further down Broadway, the menu covers everything in its 28 pages from Hot Grecian Style Spinach to Chicken Curry to Linguine Carbonara; it is almost as bulky as the menu at Shopsin’s, if quite a bit less adventurous. Big Nick’s sticks to classic diner fare, and with a menu as large as this, even the most minor classic is represented.

I ordered the Bistro Burger ($9.95), a hearty patty of Angus beef with mushrooms, onions and tomatoes poking out from under a drippy layer of melted gruyere. The meat was cooked to order and held up tolerably well to the mass of vegetables and cheese teetering on top of it. Too bad, then, that the toasted challah bread wasn’t brawny enough to handle all of the fillings– the sandwich quickly became soggy, forcing me to my Plan B: that time-honored trick of inverting the burger so the thicker top bun sits on the bottom, all the better to soak up the juices. Thankfully, it worked. Crisis averted, burger saved.

Chopper’s Big Nick Burger fared better, looking every ounce of its advertised half-pound and cooked over charcoal to medium rare. Nosher and I kept sneaking glances at those beautiful grill marks throughout the meal. Chopper also told us how an acquaintance of his has a habit of ordering the double-sized version of his burger, the Sumo Burger, because the leftovers feed him twice for $9.25. And I have no doubt that’s the truth– even the Big Nick Burger probably could produce another meal. 8 ounces with no fillers is a lot of beef.

Nosher, going meatless this evening, was the odd man out and ordered the Crabcake Burger from the Specialty Burgers section of the menu. Much better with ketchup than the over-salted ‘lobster sauce’ that came with it, the crabcakes were decent, but not great: the large, flat patties were made up primarily of lump crab meat (which is what we expected) and an awful lot of binder. They also tasted a bit too sweet– we wonder if the lobster sauce isn’t intended to cut some of this with salinity. But despite those few faults, the crabcake was pretty good– better than what any of us expected from a diner that looks like a cross between a Pullman-era railroad dining car and a rabbit warren.

We didn’t stay for dessert – and we didn’t try the pizza either, which we hear is also above average for the neighborhood and, depending on who you ask, for the city as well. I am sure that after a night out, we’ll find our way back to Big Nick’s and will be able to sample more of their offerings. Better yet, the restaurant is open 24 hours a day, so if we’re ever struck by a wee-hours craving for a burger we can barely lift off the plate, we’ll know just where to go.

Big Nick’s Burger Joint & Pizza Joint, 2175 Broadway at 77th Street, 212-362-9238