Valomilk: It’s All About the Goo
Valomilks were my candy obssession for the better part of a year, despite the fact that I had never tried one. I first read about them in Steve Almond’s very entertaining Candyfreak: A Journey through the Chocolate Underbelly of America, but because I was several thousand miles away in England at the time, my chances of finding these micro-batch candies were slimmer than my chances of winning the lottery.
If you think I’m exaggerating, I’ll offer two pieces of evidence that Sifers Valomilks are rarer than a David Foster Wallace essay without footnotes. First is the fact that even Dylan’s Candy Bar– a shop that sells just about every regional US candy you can name, from Abba Zabas to Sky Bars–struggles to keep Valomilks in stock. They receive a box or two every few months, and when all 24 pieces sell out, the wait begins again. This means that sometimes, Valomilks are on the shelf for a scant few hours a month. Second is this telling excerpt from Candyfreak:
[Russ, the owner of Sifers] checked the production schedule taped to the wall outside his office. It listed each day, followed by the word cook or a blank space. The inventory as of that day was one box. When Russ told people that Valomilks were made to order, he meant it.
But the appeal of the Valomilk for me has always been its biography, not its rarity. The official story is that a Sifers employee with a penchant for sneaking sips of the highly alcoholic vanilla extract bungled a batch of marshmallow filling intended for another candy. Russ’s father capitalized on this happy accident and poured the runny white filling into chocolate cups and named it after its ingredients: VAnilla, marshmalLOw, MILK. And with that, a star was born. It’s not a fortuitous mistake on par with the discovery of penicillin, for example, but it illustrates the same principle that wonderful things can come from failure.
So I loved the idea of the Valomilk before I’d even eaten one. Yes, I’m guilty of romanticizing my confections. So sue me. Fortunately, the candy itself is exceedingly good. Figuring out how to eat it without making too much of a mess is a puzzle, but if you just throw caution to the wind and resign yourself to a goopy chin (and collar, shirt, hands, sofa…), you’ll enjoy the experience more. Or you could wear a bib. No shame in that.
The filling tastes of high quality vanilla and has a depth of flavor that I imagine the perfect marshmallow would– better still, there is no hint at all of any kind of chemical additive to it. The Valomilk tastes remarkably like something you might make in your own kitchen, if you had the time and the hundred gallon copper pots to do it in. The chocolate is decent, but I have to admit that I don’t enjoy milk chocolate very much, so my focus was on the drippy concoction spilling out everywhere as I ate. And I think that’s the goal of a Valomilk: the chocolate cup is the delivery mechanism, and a pretty tasty one, but the true soul of this candy is the goop.
Valomilks aren’t cheap: each package of two cups costs $1.99 at Dylan’s Candy Bar– if you’re lucky enough to find them, that is. But frankly, they are worth every penny– you’d pay as much or more for imported specialty candy. More to the point, with a few packages of Valomilks in hand, you can share with your friends while telling the story of how the runny snack they’re munching was accidentally invented by a boozy Kansan with a serious weakness for vanilla essence.
I LOVE Candyfreak! I’m not actually a candyfreak but reading about them made me curious about a few old-time American candies, which I picked up at Economy Candy. No Valomilks, although I’d love to try one. It seems like you’re best off eating it by putting the whole thing in your mouth at once, like the creme brulee truffle from Kee’s Chocolate. Man, why doesn’t someone make a marshmallow truffle? :O
Comment by Robyn — December 10, 2005 @ 7:25 pm
Ooh. That sounds good. Speaking of creme brulee, Selfridge’s used to sell gummi candies shaped like little flans that were indescribably delicious. I wish I knew where to buy them in the US.
Comment by Nosher — December 10, 2005 @ 11:58 pm
How have I missed this? I loved your delightful and tempting description of such a simple-sounding candy. I am hurrying myself to Dylans to find one of these things…the wrapper reminds me of the Klondike bar wrappers.
Comment by Monica — December 11, 2005 @ 1:58 pm
These things look cool but are extraordinarily over-sugared and somewhat disgusting. I couldn’t even finish one…..
Comment by -ed — February 5, 2006 @ 8:16 am
Valomilk…I’m convinced I could be in a homicidal rage and all it would take to get me out would be the name alone…Valomilk. They have been my drug of choice since I first had one when I was a small, small child. Valomilk used to be oh so plentiful back then…so plentiful they even showed up in Halloween bags. (And were promptly hid from my mother and brother.) Halloween bags! People gave them to you for free! Life in the 50’s was glorious!
Now, even though I live a scant five miles from the holy shrine where they are made, I am sorry to say they are as rare in their hometown as they are halfway across the country. When I need to get my fix, I trek to a local Cracker Barrel and buy them out, this time hiding them from my teenage son.
Russell Sifers is a god and the Sifers family all deserve sainthood.
Comment by S — February 9, 2006 @ 10:07 pm
Have you tried our Dark Chocolate VALOMILK Candy Cups?
Comment by Russ Sifers — March 14, 2006 @ 4:48 pm
Not yet, but it sounds as if we ought to. Given their rarity, where can we find them?
Comment by Nosher — March 14, 2006 @ 5:11 pm
I am sorry to report that Dylan’s did not order our VALOMILK Candy Cups this fall. We sent them our order form and even forwarded them e-mails requesting VALOMILKS from actual New Yorkers but to no avail. Maybe Dylan’s is trying to keep VALOMILKS very rare or maybe they do not like New Yorkers.
At any rate, you can go to our “Where to Find” page at www.VALOMILK.com and find links to companies who sell VALOMILKS online.
Comment by Russ Sifers — January 3, 2007 @ 4:18 pm
I was at economy candy this past weekend and saw a case there - i bought a couple. Not my cup of tea - so I have an extra if anyone wants to give it a whirl, I’m in the financial district. Everyone who wants to get their fix, go to Economy and stock up!!
Comment by Sonia — November 1, 2007 @ 4:35 pm